Category Archives: Women

New Calls to Act for Women and Entrepreneurs

Here’s a news flash: Women are poised to surpass men on the nation’s payrolls for the first time in American history. According to a recent report by the New York Times, four out of five jobs lost in the current U.S. recession belong to men-a consequence of the surge in layoffs within distressed, male-dominated industries, such as manufacturing and construction. This emerging workplace trend may ultimately be a momentous boon to women-shifting their power and influence, both at home and on the job. It also represents a new call to action for women-and employers.

Another news report offered a different take: “Jobs of 22 Million Women Threatened by Global Financial Crisis,” says the International Labor Organization, as conveyed by the Bureau of National Affairs (BNA) in the March 16 issue of its Human Resources Report. In a report issued in advance of International Women’s Day on March 8, the United Nations agency said the global unemployment rate for women could reach 7.4 percent in 2009, compared with 7 percent for men. This trend also serves as a wake-up call for women as employers face difficult decisions about workforce reductions-causing women to work even harder to “make the cut.”

The hidden element
Over and above these contradictory headlines, there’s a third factor affecting professional women in the workplace-one that is hidden or seldom addressed. Before the economic downturn and unemployment hit the marketplace, many women were already facing a personal crisis: while they had been busy during their careers securing more power, they became sicker and sadder. This trend has been subtly taking place across a wide range of age, income, and marital status spectrums. Now, at a time when jobs are suddenly a necessity, working women are generally unhappier and struggling to cope with the increased demands they once sought in the quest for “having it all.”

Whichever headline becomes the final truth in today’s workplace dynamic, women facing these changing times have both unprecedented opportunities and obstacles. For many, they find themselves in a holding pattern as the employment landscape unfolds. Meanwhile, employers are beginning to see women in different light.

Unprecedented opportunities-and obstacles
Women may now gain access to professional power and influence that were previously out of reach. As a result, women everywhere can shape their lives and careers with a greater sense of empowerment and serve as vital role models for future generations of women and girls. Additionally, many women are likely to emerge as sole or primary breadwinners for their families and, in turn, begin to revise and update old and rigid gender roles at home-balancing domestic roles and responsibilities more fairly and flexibly. For men, these shifts offer new chances to stretch and grow as well. But don’t be fooled. These emerging and unprecedented opportunities-for women, men, and organizations-will be matched by extraordinary obstacles.

The present plight-and fight-of professional women
Before the current economic downturn, women were already beset with a number of crises-personal and professional-and were seeking radical change in how they work and live. According to my research-a yearlong national study in partnership with the Esteemed Woman Foundation-seven out of 10 women, particularly those in their middle years, say they are at a major turning point in their professional lives. After devoting years to building successful careers, they feel that their professional lives and identities no longer work. Consequently, most are facing at least one of 12 “hidden” work/life crises, including chronic health problems, financial bondage, and failure to balance family and work.

12 hidden crises women face
My research helped confirm that a true professional crisis is far more than a “tough time.” It is a no-turning-back situation-a point in time that demands reckoning and reevaluation. So how do women know when they’ve reached that point? When they frequently find themselves saying, “I can’t do this”-the desperate cry, or negative mantra, of work-life crisis-and consistently have deep-down feelings of disempowerment, they are likely experiencing one or more of 12 hidden crises. Among the crises:

– Suffering from chronic health problems
Failing health-a chronic illness or ailment-that won’t respond to treatment
The mantra: “I can’t resolve my health problems.”

– Losing their “voice”
Contending with a crippling inability to speak up-unable to be an advocate for themselves or others, for fear of criticism, rejection, or punishment

The mantra: “I can’t speak up without being punished.”

Facing abuse or mistreatment
Being treated badly, even intolerably, at work-and choosing to stay

The mantra: “I can’t stop this cycle of mistreatment.”

– Feeling trapped by financial fears
Remaining in a negative situation solely because of money

The mantra: “I can’t get out of this financial trap.”

– Wasting real talents
Realizing their work no longer fits and desperately wanting to use their natural talents and abilities

The mantra: “I can’t use my real talents.”

– Struggling to balance life and work
Trying-and failing-to balance it all, and feeling like they’re letting down who and what matters most

The mantra: “I can’t balance my life and work.”

– Doing work that feels wrong
Longing to reconnect with the “real me”-and do work they love

The mantra: “I can’t feel good about my work.”

The call and the action-what employers can do
For women, a professional crisis is saying that change must occur-now. That doesn’t mean it will be easy-most likely, it won’t-but, one step at a time, every woman can create her own breakthrough. Moreover, considering the shifting or “new” workplace and an increasingly difficult and demanding business environment, organizations must be there to help-understanding and supporting women’s unique challenges and contributions.

The predominant male competitive career model has been, up until now, slow to recognize and respect women’s differences. The work landscape has changed dramatically, and despite the headlines that women are losing headway as a necessity for a company’s survival, this long-standing model has four key elements that no longer work and must be modified; these elements are:

1) a bias for linear or continuous employment histories;
2) an over-emphasis on “full-time” and “face-time;”
3) the expectation or belief that “ambitious” professionals will be most committed in their 30s (when many women are having babies); and
4) a guiding principle that money and power are primary motivators.

Now is the time to revise and reform this model. How? By expanding it with new thinking and initiatives that meet the needs and wants of women.

I believe, and my research confirms, that now is the time for such a reform. To survive and thrive in a shifting workplace and complex business world, organizations must rise up and be constant, committed, and contemporary champions for women. I offer eight strategies for getting started:

1. Embrace women as women.
An abundance of workplace research shows how and why women differ from men and contribute in unique and indispensable ways. Undeniably, women have distinct values and priorities, needs and wants, styles and approaches. A recent medical study shows that men and women even have unique physiological reactions to crisis and stress, and companies are best served when there is a balanced representation of both genders in leadership roles. In fact, it has been said that if Lehman Brothers were “Lehman Brothers and Sisters,” our current economic crisis might not exist!

2. Foster support.
Develop an internal support system for women. Create a woman-to-woman mentoring program, sponsor women-only networks, and initiate an ongoing forum for women to connect, converse, and collaborate. Essentially, encourage women to come together-formally and informally, face-to-face and online-to address challenges and opportunities, seek advice, and celebrate individual and collective successes.

3. Train for growth and expansion.
Commit to training and development. Help women build new hard and soft skills through formal training programs and, wherever possible, one-on-one executive or leadership coaching. Provide regular access to internal and external seminars, and promote women’s involvement in “stretch” assignments. Put women on new projects and teams-including special task forces-and broaden their distinguishing gifts, talents, and abilities.

4. Focus on flexibility.
Women’s need for flexibility is bona fide and fundamental. In consideration of weighty realities such as childcare and eldercare, implement new programs, policies, and procedures that foster optimal flexibility-telecommuting, flextime, job sharing, part-time offerings, and more. Additionally, institute incentives and rewards that go beyond the traditional framework of money and power. Ask women what they really want, and work to incorporate those incentives into the company’s recognition and reward programs.

5. Expand the options.
Grow the options for how women can contribute over the arc of their careers. Recognize the fluid nature of women’s priorities, and consider differing career paths and trajectories-up, down, and across. Experiment with a variety of options-all providing for unique opportunities for “on-ramping” and “off-ramping” as women’s lives and priorities shift at home and on the job.

6. Encourage work-life balance.
Women are increasingly beleaguered as they try, and fail, at balancing work
and life. What’s more, research shows that working women, even as sole breadwinners, are still shouldering most domestic responsibilities at home. Companies, in response, must be champions for work-life balance and wellness for women-offering internal resources or outside referrals to programs focused on striving for balance, pursuing a healthy lifestyle, and managing stress.

7. Empower women leaders to “walk the talk.”
Years ago, as a corporate VP in a large national marketing firm, I was “put down” by the head of HR for my choice to take a full week off to move my family, including my husband and our two small children, to another city. “I moved to another town with my kids last month and only took a half day,” the HR leader said. Criticizing my personal choice, as wife and mother, was a “less than” form of leadership-lacking a critical sense of empowerment, balance, and support to women. Worse, the source was at the helm of HR-and a woman.

Today, just as President Barack Obama is a powerful and “visual” role model for change, the workplace needs women leaders to serve as visual role models-working and living from the core values of women everywhere. Organizations must embrace this need from the top, actively spotlighting female leaders who walk the talk and encouraging male leaders to outwardly support them.

8. Measure efficacy.
Programs that support women-attracting, engaging, and retaining strong and skilled female talent-are essential to organizational success. It’s one thing, however, to develop and implement those programs; it’s another thing to evaluate them against key business measures or metrics. Commit to regularly assessing-quantitatively and qualitatively-how ongoing initiatives to support women impact business measures such as recruitment, retention, engagement, productivity, wellness, and more.

Bottom line
Today, with a dramatically shifting workforce and do-or-die business environment, no employer can afford to ignore or overlook the unique needs and contributions of female talent. From the HR department to the executive suite, organizations must answer the call to action and support women in unprecedented new ways.

Kathy Caprino, MA, is a work-life expert and author of Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman’s Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose (Berrett-Koehler, Nov. 08). A national champion for professional women in crisis, Caprino is a trained psychotherapist, specialized career and life coach, and sought-after writer and speaker on women’s issues. She is founder and president of Ellia Communications, Inc. and a former corporate VP, who today openly shares her own story of breakdown and breakthrough.

What Every Woman Needs to Know Before They Died

Women in America have made tremendous strides in improving their overall financial outlook and closing the income gap with men. During the last two decades, many women have become better educated and more self reliant regarding their financial future than their mother’s would ever dream. For example “Today there one third more women graduating from college than men, with sixty percent of women with business degrees out earning their husbands”. Also the number of women earning $100,000 or more per year has quadrupled in the last decade.

Although women’s incomes and economic power have increased steadily over the years, women face many unique challenges when it comes to planning for their financial future. Women must be cognizant of the set of circumstances which set them apart from other Americans as they attempt to capitalize on their economic potential and secure their financial future.

Increased Longevity

One distinctive and sometimes overlooked characteristic of American women is the differences in life expectancy between men and women. Typically, women can expect to live an average of seven years longer than men. According to US Census data, males born in the US in 1982 are expected to live 70.8 years. While females born in the same year will typically live 78.1 years. This increased longevity for women creates several challenges that women must consider before they can build a sound financial plan for themselves. In many cases, because women are expected to outlive their husbands, they must plan for more available income during, their retirement years to maintain their lifestyle and independence.

In fact, all Americans due to advances in health sciences are living longer than ever before. Consequently, many retirees are spending as much as twenty years or more enjoying their senior days. When asked, the majority of American retirees felt their number #1 concern regarding retirement, was the prospect of outliving their retirement savings. The effects of inflation and higher taxes make this a real problem for American retirees. For current and future female retirees, the increased chances of a long retirement should be an important consideration in addressing their retirement plan priorities.

Although more women have join the American workforce over the years, more often they still maintain more traditional maternal roles within the household, such as raising kids and being the chief caregiver to the entire family. Women remain the most likely family members to sacrifice career aspirations to provide care to elderly parents, children or disabled spouses. By some estimates, on average women, “will forfeit $550,000 worth of salary and benefits (including Social Security) by taking time off from work to care for family”.

For many women, living longer will also mean potentially outliving their own primary caregivers-their spouses. It will also increase their risk of needing the services of a nursing home facility due to sickness, injury. It is estimated that the majority of women, over 50%, (as opposed to 33% of men) reaching the age of 65 will need nursing home care before they die. Although the Medicare program is designed to protect us in later years from big medical expenses, it pays for nursing home care only in certain limited and very specific circumstances. With the average nursing home care facility running as much as $40-80,000 per year, the cost of these services can have a tremendous impact on personal savings, lifestyles and in some cases restrict financial independence.

Divorce Rates

Divorce rates in America today also have a significant impact on many women’s ability to create long term personal wealth. With divorce rates as high as 50%, the results for many women are a loss of income and often a dramatic change in life style. As if the psychological impact of family separation were not enough, many divorced women are unaccustomed to handling their own finances and many do not have the confidence to take on the role of financial planning for their senior years.

Often after years of unemployment, many divorced women must reenter the workforce in order to supplement or maintain existing standards of living while continuing to provide primary child care responsibilities. As a result, women in this circumstance are likely to find themselves with access to fewer resources, limited years available to generate retirement assets, and insufficient experience in dealing with issues of finance and risk planning.

Failure to Manage Risk

Another consideration for many women is how they handle the inherent risks we all face. In particular, the risk of premature death or disability. This is especially true when it affects the primary income earner in the home. For homemakers, dependent on a spouse’s single income, the risk of financial setback is even greater. Although women in this situation are at greater risk, very often there is not adequate insurance protection to ensure enough income replacement beyond the prime child rearing years. Often couples are more focused on paying for college expenses rather than their retirement or their risks of income loss. Moreover, many couples in this situation don’t consider the number of years of female life expectancy in this equation when considering insurance protection.

The consequence of inadequate insurance protection means that many women are left to support their children without enough income to maintain existing lifestyle. Many are forced to sell their home and uproot their children from their neighborhood, schools and friends. Typically women in the situation, must now return to the workforce after being unemployed for many years. Understandably this creates a shift in focus on immediate income needs and issues of retirement often become less of a priority.

In the majority of cases, providing enough income replacement protection is a result of poor advice or other priorities. However many husbands are reluctant to provide adequate coverage due to negative perceptions and stereotypical ideas. In some cultures, it is not unusual for husbands to reject the notion of insurance all together due to a feeling that they will be leaving their spouse’s wealthy and also may be providing opportunities for future husbands.

Additionally, there is evidence that some women are reluctant to insist that there spouses provide them the protection they need despite the recognized risks. Women in this situation must understand how important insurance is in creating wealth and mitigating risk for families and particularly for women. A suitably positioned insurance plan can often create an “instant estate” and prevent unnecessary upheaval and the sacrifice of retirement goals.

Retirement Plans and Savings Rates

Although the number of women in the workforce is at an all time high, women are less likely to work for companies that offer retirement plans. Where women are offered employer sponsored pensions, they tend to be more conservative investors and often do not fully understand how to maximize their investments plan options. Women without access to employer sponsored retirement plans, place themselves at greater risk of dependence on social programs such as Social Security and Medicare to provide resources during retirement.

Over the years the Social Security system has provided supplemental income for millions of retired Americans. However, according to many estimates, the long term financial viability of the Social Security system is now in doubt. Unless the United States Congress finds the political will to intervene and revamp the current system it is expected that the social security program will no longer be able to pay current benefits, in full, starting in 2041. According to the Social Security Administration, at that time it is expected that only 78 percent of currently scheduled benefits will be payable. This will have a tremendous impact on millions of Generation X retirees and women retirees who fit this age demographic.

Another important issue for women is the personal savings rate of Americans. Up until the current economic crisis of 2009, Americans personal savings rates have been declining for years. In 2005 savings rates in this country dropped into negative territory. This means Americans were actually spending more money than they earned. This level of savings has not been seen since the Great Depression when the country was faced with thousands of business failures and job losses. Part of the reason for a smaller savings rate is that, in recent years, Americans have enjoyed a rise in the value of other investments such as stocks, bonds, and real estate. In addition, the availability of low interests, also discourage savings and encourage borrowing for big ticket items such as automobiles and personal real estate.

In deed, our economy now runs on consumption. Americans of every economic circumstance are encouraged by government and media to spend at record levels to continue fueling our economy. While increased spending rates are good for the US economy, for Americans planning for retirement this is risky behavior. “Americans seem to have the feeling that it is wimpish to save,” said David Wyss, chief economist at Standard & Poor’s in New York. “The idea is to put away money for old age and we are just not doing that.” At this time, there is no evidence that woman save at any better rates than do men in America.

Conclusion
Building a sound financial future has never been an easy task for the vast majority of working Americans. The task is now more difficult than ever with the current state of the American economy. The economic slowdown of 2008-09 only serves to exacerbate an already complex and formidable undertaking. The current economic recession has given us wide spread job losses, the meltdown of retirement accounts, rising inflation, budget deficits, and the potential for higher taxes. This has and will continue, for the foreseeable future, to have a devastating impact on millions of American families.

American women, seeking to generate retirement savings, would do well to be mindful of the particular circumstances that distinguish them from other Americans and make their journey to financial independence more problematic. Now more than ever, women in this country are enjoying greater career opportunities and advances in income equality with men. Despite these advances, women must also carry the additional burden of longer life spans, high divorce rates, and lower saving rates. This places even greater pressure on women, faced with building a retirement nest egg, to ensure that they will not outlive their savings and decreases the odds of achieving financial security.

The good news for many women is that there are many financial strategies available to help them address their unique challenges and put them in position to create and preserve their wealth. In addition, as women become better educated and financially savvy they are realizing that they do not have to go it alone. More women are seeking the advice of professional financial planners who can help them access their retirement goals, customize a financial plan that meets their individual needs and put them on the right track to financial security.

The Battle of Sex in the Modern World

The war between the sexes has become a stalemate. Men had been on the offensive by wielding most of the power in relationships for thousands of years, but women had been turning the tide back over the last forty. The result? Now, the two armies have stopped moving. They have completely separated from each other, sitting motionless while staring at each other across a no-man’s land of loneliness and broken hearts.

How do I know this? I read the headlines.

A majority of marriageable women are living without husbands. An increasing number of single women are purchasing homes by themselves. The total number of single Americans is also growing. More men say they never want to get married. In Britain, there are more single men than unattached women. Hundreds of websites offer advice for singles ranging from picking up a one-night stand to finding the love of one’s life.

More and more dating websites exist for those who are unable to find a partner. (In business parlance, the size of the market is increasing.) There are dozens of blogs on dating on just this one list. Teenagers, college students, and recent graduates are hooking-up rather than forming significant relationships. Men and women are marrying at increasingly older ages — now twenty-seven for men and twenty-five for women. “Starter marriages” are becoming more common.

Well, what’s going on?

First, we need to understand the basic mentalities of men and women in the context of evolutionary psychology. For tens of thousands of years, men were the providers of resources and protection while women took care of hearth and home. Nature programmed men to spread their seed as far as possible while women wanted men to stay and take care of their children. So, society founded the institution of marriage to get men to stay with the children. (I believe there are spiritual aspects to marriage as well, but its practicality cannot be overstated.)

These needs and desires were programmed into our societies — and our brains — over millennia. Men and women needed each other because each half of a couple provided things that the other could not. Women wanted men who would provide resources, and men wanted fertile women who would bear and raise their children. Women date up; men date beauty. Forty years of feminism cannot change these subconscious attitudes.

Over the last several decades, however, the roles have changed. Women have become independent, and men have become less necessary. (New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd even wrote a book with that as its title.) The end result — and the reason for the increasing prevalence of singleness — is simple. Men and women feel that they no longer need each other, and this attitude is separating men and women.

Feminism’s Unintended Consequences

What caused this? Feminism. More specifically, the unintended consequences of feminism. Feminism helped women to overcome their lowly, undeserved status as non-voting citizens whose only duties were to get married and have kids, but like every social movement, it has had effects that no one could have foreseen.

First, we must start with women. After all, women make the choices in the dating game: Women choose which suitors have a chance, but men hit on every single girl above a certain general threshold of attractiveness. When a man makes the “first move,” he is usually responding to a subconscious sign of interest that the woman has already sent. This is an important principle. Women make most of the choices in the dating scene because they must be picky: They only have one fertile egg per month, and they literally live with the consequences of sex. Now that women are becoming equal to — and even surpassing — men in school and in the workplace, they can take care of themselves. They do not need a provider.

However, this conflicts with the subconscious attitudes that women have. Girls are raised with tales of a perfect Prince Charming who will rescue them. They idolize their fathers (for better or worse, depending on what type of men they were). They are treated like princesses. Most importantly, they have the evolutionary impulse to date up. They want someone amazing. Women, indeed, want it all. (This attitude can lead to more regret later in life when they realize that no one can have it all.)

This desire, however, works against a woman’s interests. Women are progressing along a set path — high school, college, graduate school/career, marriage, and then family — and only worry about having fun while they are teenagers and twentysomethings. Marriage and family now seem to be burdens to delay as long as possible rather than wondrous joys. The irony of the situation is that women have the greatest chance of attracting a partner before the age of twenty-five, roughly when they are most attractive. Biology, after all, is working against them. There is nothing wrong with getting married in college or graduate school and waiting to have children, but this thought rarely crosses anyone’s mind.

Focusing on one’s career for a long time also poses another risk. The more successful a woman becomes, the smaller the pool of acceptable men becomes. In other words, successful, career-oriented women price themselves out of the market unless they date men who earn less money or have less education. Authors like Barbara Whitehead complain that there are no good men left, but the reality is simple: Men have not fallen; women have risen. It is hard to “date up,” for example, when one graduates from Harvard and works on Wall Street. Many successful women are unhappy because they feel that they must hide their success, or they subconsciously resent their husbands or boyfriends if they earn lower salaries. Feminism, in a nutshell, has made women pickier.

7 Mistakes of Men to Women

Finding a mate is one of the most fundamental aspects of life, but it is also a problem many people struggle with. Here are the ten biggest mistakes men make with women.

1. Pursuing women.

Most guys will try all kind of things to get women, such as subtly hanging around a cute girl, walking across the bar to talk to a hot girl, trying to be funny and interesting enough to keep a girl’s attention, trying to get a girl’s phone number, or simply wishing to be with the girl next to them.

The problem with all these approaches is that these men are pursuing women. Pursuing women mentally is as bad as pursuing them physically. No matter how you look at it, women are the ones who decide who they let inside. They look for a man who walks his own path in life, who is centered in his own reality, and who is not thrown off-balance around her. When you pursue a woman, you are being reactive to her and you are not being yourself, and that’s not attractive. Stop trying to get women, but let them join you in your life.

2. Putting women on a pedestal.

Most men will look at a hot girl and wish they would be worthy enough to be with such an incredible woman. If you say things like this, you are putting girls on a pedestal. When you do so, you are not being yourself, and that’s not attractive. Some guys will even say funny negative comments to bring women down to their level. That might compensate for putting women on a pedestal, but it doesn’t solve the problem itself. If you view her from a social perspective, there is no way you can compare to her looks and status unless you are a millionaire or a Hollywood star. However, all is not perfect underneath her skin, and she is too often hiding all kind of issues and insecurities behind her façade.

If you relate to her as a human being, you have your authenticity, ease for life, and carefree nature to offer. In fact, you can be at her level before you even say a word by not being thrown off at all by her presence. If you are feeling and behaving exactly the same as before, during, and after meeting her, you are relating to her on an equal level, and that’s very attractive. If you can do this, you will succeed: you will stand out, because it is hard for her to find a guy who is not being reactive to her.

3. Viewing women as sexual objects.

With all the sexy skin shown to us everywhere by the media, we have been conditioned like dogs to view women as nothing more than sex objects. Women have also been conditioned to adapt to that image. When a woman walks around showing off her physical assets and wearing a lot of makeup, she has succumbed to the media’s portrayal of women and also views herself as a sex object. When she thinks of herself that way, it’s hard for men not to view her that way too. Most men simply want to have their way with this type of girl and afterward won’t give her much of a second thought, much less want to see her again.

The problem is, all this leads to fantasizing about women sexually and therefore creates a bigger disconnect between men and women. All this is social conditioning: it is not natural and does not lead to sex. Viewing women as purely sexual objects gets in the way of connecting with women because you then have an agenda and an attachment to the outcome. You are then trying to get something from her, and that is not attractive to her. Sex is the by-product of connecting with women. You connect with women by shining with your authenticity, integrity, and carefree nature, and by creating a safe space where she is free to like you or not. Once you are really connected to a woman and it feels like the two of you are alone in the world, a sexual relationship will develop on its own, and you won’t have to force it.

4. Pushing interaction.

Most guys fail with women because they try too much to get them. Even trying a little bit is too much. It would be like saying your girlfriend is just a little bit pregnant. Either you are pursuing her, trying to get her and pushing the interaction, or you aren’t. When you push a conversation verbally or physically, women perceive the neediness behind it, and it repels them. When you are centered in your reality and you communicate with women without expectations or attachments, it leaves space for the connection to happen, and you don’t have to push anything. If you try it and it doesn’t work, it’s usually because you still have subconscious attachments to the outcome.

5. Using pick-up techniques.

To compensate for a lack of success, many men learn and use pick-up techniques. The biggest problem with these techniques is that they work once in a while, which makes men try even harder to get lucky again. Using tricks to work around your unattractiveness doesn’t really solve your unattractiveness. Even when you get lucky, it rarely leads to a real connection or lasting relationship because you show a façade that is not really yourself. It’s just a matter of time before she realizes who you really are and she decides whether or not she likes you. What really happens is that if you interact with a woman and you act naturally and as if you aren’t thrown off by her, then she will decide that she kind of likes you. If you play games, she will most likely see through it and will take one of the following actions: reject you, play games too and make you jump through hoops, or, rarely, decide she still likes you and go along. If you can differentiate what helps you from what hinders your success, you can keep your confidence and openness and let go of everything that comes from a state of mind of scarcity, such as pick-up techniques. Even if you get lucky once in a while with these techniques, it is way too much work, and you can’t spend your whole life pursuing things.

6. Valuing outward appearances and independent women.

Many men consider women with perfect skin and toned, voluptuous bodies to be the best women to pursue for a sexual relationship because that’s what we see all the time in magazines. Many men also consider independent career women to be the best-suited mates for long-term relationships. If that’s the case for you, it makes you live with the fantasy of sex instead of really experimenting with it. Women have also been conditioned to adapt to those images by the media. That screws everything up, causing all sorts of problems ranging from breast cancer to a divorce rate in excess of fifty percent to the presence of more singles than ever in history. The truth is, women who focus too much on their perfect appearance do it to compensate for a lack of self-esteem, and they are disconnected from their authenticity and spontaneity. For that reason, it is hard to feel an emotional connection with them, and sex with them is usually average and mechanical. After engaging in intimate relations with these women, men usually dump them the next day, which lowers their self-esteem even more. As for independent career women, their sexuality is locked down because they are too logical and masculine. Relationships with them are often a power struggle and too often end up in divorce. For physical intimacy to be satisfying and for relationships to be healthy, you need polarity: a very feminine and confident woman who helps you develop as a man. You want authenticity, integrity, carefree nature, lightness, and spontaneity in a woman to feel one with her. Just shifting your focus of what you value makes a big difference in what you attract into your life: fantasy or reality.

7. Trying to be someone else.

When you view a man who is very successful with women, you may be tempted to imitate him to achieve his success. However, he is not successful because of what he’s doing but because of who he is and the way he lives his life. You and he have different strengths, weaknesses, and life paths, so your styles will be different. You can’t try to be yourself and try to be someone else at the same time. When you are acting like someone else, you repress a part of yourself and something feels wrong. You don’t want to be your weak self who fails either. There is a powerful and successful self deep inside you, but it is hidden behind fears, excuses, and social conditioning. That’s the self you want to get in touch with. Charisma with women is not a skill to learn; rather, it’s a natural ability you can uncover by unlearning what hides it.

The right of american women

This article will discuss women’s rights in America, the ways in which discrimination against women has changed over time, and how women’s rights have expanded in ways never conceivably possible in the past. What this article will evaluate is whether or not the rights granted to women are enforced or if women are still not treated completely equal. It is the purpose of this evaluation to present the way in which these laws against discrimination have been enforced and implemented.

There are two aspects in which one can evaluate this. One such way is through the popular wheel meaning the constitutional amendments that provided these rights, what circumstances lead to these rights and why they were implemented when they were, and the second is judicial power and how it played a major role in the future of women’s rights especially through privacy and abortion laws. This topic serves particular importance when looking at contemporary society and the function of women. Although it is true that women do have much more political power than ever before, and more positions in the job market, there are many hardships and struggles that women must overcome in reaching such positions, struggles that do not stand in the way of most men in America. Therefore, the main purpose of this evaluation is to deem women’s rights as it serves in American society today, efficient enough to realistically create a justifiably equal playing field for both men and women in terms of schooling, career, politics and so forth.

First, I will discuss the element of the popular wheel and its contribution to the existence of women’s rights. The concept of women’s suffrage was nothing out of the ordinary and in fact had been brewing in the minds and writings of women for decades particularly rooted in the 1700’s. One major issue was voting rights, which had begun being openly advocated by women beginning in the 1820’s. The first time a woman could vote freely was in 1756 when a colonial forerunner, Lydia Chapin Taft was granted the right by the town of Uxbridge, Massachusetts colony. After this voting rights were achieved in sparsely populated territories of Wyoming in 1869 and for a short period in Utah in 1870.

Although small progress was made, the timeline is slow. It was not until 1920, with the ratification of the Nineteenth Amendment to the United States of America Constitution, that women gained the right to vote. This victory only came after decades of demonstration and objection and was an extensive and complicated struggle. Between 1878 when the amendment was first presented to Congress and 1920 when it was first ratified, supporting groups of voting rights for women worked tirelessly in order to achieve their goal. One particularly influential group called the Silent Sentinels, protested in front of the White House for 18 months which in turn begun to raise vast awareness of the issue’s importance and a year later the President Woodrow Wilson announced his support for the amendment.

Of course, in order to strengthen the position and constitutionality of the Nineteenth Amendment the Supreme Court and its power must step in and reinforce it which it did by its decision in Leser v. Garnett in 1922. The Supreme Court granted certiorari to decide “Whether the Nineteenth Amendment has become part of the federal Constitution”. The Plaintiffs argued that it was unconstitutional based on three claims; first they stated that the power to amend the American Constitution did not cover this amendment due to its nature, second there were a number of states which ratified the amendment had Constitutions which restricted women from voting, declaring that therefore the Court was unable to ratify in a different way, and lastly they claimed that the ratifications of Tennessee and West Virginia were void since they were accepted without following the regulations of legislative procedure in place in those states.

In opposition to those claims, a unanimous decision addressed each argument. In response to the first position the court compared the Nineteenth Amendment to that of the Fifteenth, first demonstrating a distinction to discrimination rights of African-Americans to discrimination rights of women. In accordance to this they stated that since there was such similarity between the two and the Fifteenth had been accepted for more than fifty years, it would be unjust to declare the new amendment invalid.

Second, the court responded by stating that when state legislatures ratified the amendment they exercised power that was only within a federal capacity which the Constitution recognizes and deems a power which “transcends any limitations sought to be imposed by the people of a state.” In terms and Tennessee and West Virginia, the court stated that the additional ratifications were unsound because they had already been turned down in other states who attempted similar alterations. This decision, along with its extensive justifications behind its verdict, confirmed the constitutionality of the Nineteenth Amendment and it was then clear that it would be enforced. The Nineteenth Amendment became the basis of many disputes among those who held on to beliefs against women’s rights and those who sought out to confirm more rights. This ongoing struggle closely resembled that of the African-American group and their battle with discrimination in the United States of America.

The judicial power and its ability to set new precedents and influence many laws had much impact on the issue of women’s rights and suffrage. Two very central topics are of focus for this particular essay; the constitutional right to privacy, and abortion rights. Griswold v, Connecticut (1965) was the landmark case which protected a right to privacy. This was the first time such a right was protected in such a way and it made the right Constitutional, changing the very meaning of privacy to many people. In this particular case privacy was in regard to a woman’s right to use contraceptives.

In Connecticut there was a law that prohibited this which by a vote of 7-2 the Supreme Court invalidated the law on the basis that it infringed upon “the right to marital privacy.” Griswold was the Executive Director of the Planned Parenthood League of Connecticut. She, as well as the Medical Director for the League, C. Lee Buxton, would give married couples any information they requested considering birth control and the way it was used and obtained. A law which prohibited the use of any drug for use for the purpose of preventing conception was passed in 1879, however almost never enforced. Buxton and Griswold were arrested, tried in court, found guilty, and fined. Griswold appealed to the United States Supreme Court on the grounds that it violated the Fourteenth Amendment.

Forget About Women’s Liberation

Women command a large number of world population, yet it’s very hard to find a nation whose government will come up boldly to say that they have more women in their nation than men. Take a look at the record of birth in any community, the number of female children tend to outnumber that of their male counterparts. In every angle you look, you see women in their great numbers – schools, Churches, armed forces, markets, playgrounds/beaches, offices, hospitals, etc. Women have taken up some challenging roles and performed better in certain offices than the men themselves. In the field of medicine and engineering, women thrive and as such, are looking up to seizing political powers, yet it is a wonder that many people come up in our generation to complain about the ill-treatment of women. Women themselves were later forced by the prevailing situation to delve into a struggle that is enshrined in malice.

The Bible said a lot about women. It gave a down-to-earth story of how she came to be, the challenges before her and her future reward as a mother. Jesus Himself regarded and treated women with respect. After observing the actions of Jesus towards women, Charles Seltman commented: “Jesus was a feminist to a degree far beyond that of His fellows and followers… No other western prophet, seer, or would-be redeemer of humanity was so devoted to the feminine half of mankind”. Women suffered humiliation at the time that Jesus walked upon the earth. At that time, both pagan culture and so many other cultures (Jewish inclusive) insisted that women be kept in “their place” – and that place was clearly spelled out. Avenues open to men were closed to women. Such opportunities for self-fulfillment, personal development, and for achievement and leadership in public life or organized religion were greatly prohibited. Women were required to stay behind the scenes, keep the home fires burning, bear and rear children, and remain apart from the “busy, important world of men”.

Nevertheless, Jesus’ personal attitude towards women gave promise to liberation from the chains of custom. Women who followed Him, spoke with Him, and listened to His teaching, could not help but contrast His treatment of them with the way other religious leaders regard them. Could it be that His message of God’s love and redemption contained the seeds from which could sprout possibilities for human dignity and authentic personhood for all people – regardless of sex, class or race? Could it be that He was the women’s liberator? We shall not hesitate to say yes!

Speaking in terms of change of role, liberation and developing awareness for every women especially Christian women, we are not thinking in isolation of an organization or movement, but rather a state of mind in which a woman comes to view herself as Jesus Christ sees her – as a person created in God’s image whom He wants to make free to be whole, to grow to learn to make proper use of her God-given talents to the fullness as a unique person. It is a realization that men and women together may be freed from sex, role stereotypes and traditions which hinder development into the true humanness that was God’s original plan at the dawn of creation into male and female in His own image to delight in cordial fellowship with Him and with one another.

Early enough, women were considered to be inferior to slaves, in the sense that the slaves are the possession of their masters who may legally represent their will while the women could not. In the Jewish world, the male Jew, for instance, was taught by the rabbis to thank God that he was made a man and not a woman. In the patriarchal Roman family, the man alone possessed the legal rights of the family while the wife and children had none. Among the Greeks, women were part of the household property of the man.

The life of a woman in many societies was greatly and gravely dominated by men. For the purpose of marriage, girls were captured from neighbouring clans in the primitive times to continue the family line. Daughters were then transferred from being the property of their fathers to being the property of their husbands. At any rate, what changed the position of women in marriage was war. Because men fought wars and women and children kept the homes, their social status brightened up. In other words, women became queens in children’s environment – a dreary situation.

The Scripture appears to confirm the lordship of men over women and other creatures in the Genesis’ account of creation story in some measure. God built the ribs He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man (Genesis 2:2). The story was not different in Christian era. Most Christians had the negative views about women such that monks were advised to flee their company.

Women had through the years been treated as a thing that needs a constant “purification” whereas everything masculine is believed to be sacred. In most parts of the world, certain places are forbidden to women; they are not allowed to touch certain men and more so immediately after or before some religious rituals. It is not surprising that after many centuries of such taboos a couple of women still ask such questions as – “Do women enter here?”, “Do women touch it?”

Women are bared by retrogressive native laws from sharing in the estates, of either their fathers or husbands, simply for being women. Women whose husbands are torn away from their embrace by the cold hands of death often face terrible situations from their husband’s relations. They roar into their brother’s home even before the woman’s eyes are dried of the tears of mourning, and turn the heat on the “stranger” – his widow. That shows an eloquent demonstration of the fluidity of the status of women to borrow a time – worn cliché – in a male dominated world.

However, you find out that such women become at once complete strangers in the home they helped to build, losers who had no claims to the sweet trappings of victory. Such is the woman’s lot, especially in developing countries where a quaint mix of queer customs and traditions rule the lives of the who set goals as well as the pace and pattern of development. Up till now, women are yet to be accepted to stand bail for suspects at police stations in many parts of the world.

In different places, women are seen but not heard. There are a lot of variables involved in determining the status of women in the primitive or modern society. Women are considered almost as property in some primitive societies whereas among the non-Christians, their status is radically infradig. Most of their practices portray the absolute subordination of women to men. Thank God for Christianity whose birth became the turning point in the history of women. Christianity proclaims the equality and unity of men and women, converging all human differences towards a single supernatural goal (Galatians 3:28). No previous civilization had accorded inalienable rights to women and children.

However, today’s women, unlike their mothers and grand-mothers of yesterday, are all true aware of their roles. They do not only know that the world is larger than their kitchens and homesteads, but also want to reach beyond the kitchen and the homestead and get into the world entrusted to creatures by the Creator, to cultivate and harness. This awareness on the part of the women folk is one of the forces behind their present drive to get into every area of life. Jesus did not come to raise up stiff-necked people, drug addicts, armed robbers and prostitutes. He only came that people who are in such activities should abandon them and receive a new life which only Him can give.

Today, most women are cheated out of God’s plan for their lives. They are totally out of order, taking hold of almost everything they can get at. Women allow themselves to be used in such a way that they advertise and commercialize their feminity in beds, boardrooms, or classrooms. They over-react to issues by doing violence to their naturally good feminine qualities. Almost everything has the tincture of woman power. Talking liberation of womanhood is completely out of the question here, because in everything women rule. They globe-trot, and challenge issues alongside the male counterparts thereby making it difficult for some people to consider them as serious minded people. This ugly trend has forced most Christians to see women as unqualified to handle certain offices in the Church. In true terms, no sensible person can entrust God’s business in the hands of an amazon, or a half-man half-woman, but to a composed person with good and authentic feminine qualities. Apart from that, nothing else can suffice.

Owner of Small Business Women

In 2008, I won a Sams Club Entrepreneurship award through the Count Me In program. Part of the award package included free attendance to the Count Me In Leadership Institute at the Office Depot headquarters in Boca Raton last year. I heard Nell Merlino, Executive Director of the Count Me In program, speak about the need for women owned small businesses to hire.

This year, there have been several articles published related to this topic:

(1) The Work Life Balancing Act, Cindy Krischer Goodman, Miami Herald, September 29, 2009
(2) Women Business Owners: It’s time to be called ‘boss’ by Rhonda Abrams, USA Today, March 12, 2010
(3) Want to Grow, Hire Some Help by Eve Gumpel, WomenEntrepreneur, March 15, 2010
(4) Why are Women-Owned Firms Smaller Than Men-Owned Ones by Sharon G. Hadary, The Wall Street Journal, May 17, 2010
(5) Nell Merlino on What Holds Women Entrepreneurs Back by Karen E. Klein, Bloomberg Businessweek, July 2, 2010

However, I have yet to read and learn what is at the core of the problem. Why are women small business owners less reluctant to hire than men? What is it about us? I think if we can reflect on why we are not hiring, perhaps we would be more inclined to hire.

There is a more pressing reason why women business owners should get on the band wagon. A 2002 study by Richard DeMartino and Robert Barbato entitled “Differences between women and men MBA entrepreneurs: exploring family flexibility and wealth creation as career motivators” (Journal of Business Venturing, Rochester Institute of Technology) cited that women-owned businesses make up 40% of all businesses and women continue to start businesses at twice the rate of men.

The Kauffman Foundation released July 2010 study findings by Dr. Tim Kane that concluded that when it comes to creating new jobs, startup companies are the source. The study is entitled “The Importance of Startups in Job Creation and Job Destruction”. We can look at it this way – if women did not start new businesses, women would not contribute to the very source of new job creation.

Mark Levit, Managing Partner of Partners & Levit Advertising and a Professor of Marketing at New York University wrote an article entitled “The Difference between Men and Women” with a focus on how marketers can strategize to appeal to women. Well, why not look at these differences and apply them to the question of why women are business owners are reluctant to hire. Here goes…

Mark Levit cited a University of Wisconsin study which found that:

(1) Women notice and recall 70% more detail in their environments than do men.

This may explain why it might take women longer to come around to hiring. Perhaps women business owners are too detailed oriented and get bogged down in the details. They would then be slower to hire.

(2) Men tend to see life as a series of contests they must conquer to maintain personal status.

Perhaps women small business owners are less competitive and less interested in boosting their personal status. Women business owners may be motivated less by competition and more by creating a nurturing environment – rather than expanding and profiting more. DeMartino and Barbato found that a higher proportion of women become entrepreneurs in order to balance work and family and a higher proportion of men do so to seek wealth creation and personal economic advancement.

(3) Women have a greater affinity for shopping.

Perhaps women business owners should think of hiring as shopping for help. If women business owners looked at hiring as a shopping extravaganza, then maybe hiring would be a more pleasurable experience.

(4) Women take pride in their ability to shop skillfully, prudently, and well. Women tend to evaluate the pros and cons of every purchase. Men make impulse purchases. No coupons. No lists.

Mark Levit cited British psychologist David Lewis’ study which explained the nature-over-nurture concept that prehistoric women are “homebound gatherers of roots, nuts, and berries, rather than roaming hunters of game”. Now, we are back to the dilemma of getting bogged down in details. It takes more time to be more skillfully, prudently, and well. Perhaps women business owners put off hiring until they are able to be trained in how to properly hire and protect themselves and the work environment they nurture. Are women business owners less likely to just place an ad, interview, and hire? Are they less likely to know how to do this skillfully? What about time? Is the time consumption the problem?

(5) Women want to feel cherished, whereas men want to feel needed.

Perhaps it is the prospect of having to reject poor candidates or having to fire poor performers that prevents women business owners from hiring.

(6) When men shop, it’s usually for themselves, when women shop it’s for themselves and their families.

Sharon Hadary advocates that women owned firms need to be taught – esp. by other women leaders – to think big from the start. There needs to be a change in the women business owners’ mindset. In 2008, Dr. Susan L. Reid wrote an article entitled the “Similarities and Differences between How men and Women Excel in Business”. Dr. Reid wrote that one mistake women entrepreneurs make is that they make excuses. Another mistake cited by Reid is that “too many women have a mindset of scarcity when it comes to their businesses. They believe they lack time, money is scarce, and there aren’t enough customers.”

Having the Right Mindset – Heed to Nike and Just do it!

Remember the 1998 Nike Just Do it ad campaign? ALL women businesses need that competitive, can do attitude.

If women were to take clues from the male mindset, women business owners would:
(1) View their businesses as more like a contest or competition…grit down, compete, be passionate, be determined, and just do it!
(2) View from a mindset of plenty – there is plenty of time, customers, and help.
(3) Not over evaluate and get bogged down in details. I will have a quick strategic plan for hiring (list of tasks to delegate, job description, job ad, job interviews) and hire by set deadlines. I will just do it!

In a very unscientific humorous HubPages article entitled “The Differences Between Men and Women”, Ryan Kett jokingly wrote that “Women take 20 minutes to choose food from a takeaway menu, Men will take 1 minute.”

It is time for women small business owners to get help. If cash flow is a concern, hire volunteers. No excuses! Just do it!

Here are some daily affirmations for women business owners:
o There is plenty of time. I will manage my time. I will just do it!
o There are plenty of customer prospects. I will go prospecting daily. I will just do it!
o There is plenty of help and if I cannot afford them now, I will hire on commission or hire volunteers! I will just do it!
o I will shop for new hires. I will just do it!
o It is OK to be motivated to grow my business and create wealth because with more wealth, I will have more flexibility to balance work and family.

Issues of Christian Life and Women

As an effect of sin, humans are deeply driven toward autonomy, preferring to live independent of God’s authority instead of within the shelter of his divine sovereignty. This is the temptation to which Eve would surrender. Instead of a life dependent on God, she evaluated on the basis of her self-appointed authority that the fruit of the forbidden tree was beautiful and an acceptable source for knowledge and sustenance. God was no longer necessary in her new view of the world because she chose instead to believe the twisted words of the serpent, that she could “be like God” (Gen 3:5). She quickly dismissed the distinction between herself, the created, and the Creator.

When faced with difficult life circumstances, we are called to submit to God’s wisdom and authority and recognize our own insufficiency. It is true that scripture does not provide explicit answers for each and every situation, so while God’s normative method of self-disclosure is not through audible voice, studying God’s word is necessary to develop a biblical worldview that will enable godly reflection in the absence of obvious solutions. Trusting God in the midst of any degree of crisis is probably one of the the greatest challenges to living the Christian life.

Popular culture argues, on the other hand, that God, if he even exists, is irrelevant to just about everything. Religion, and specifically evangelical Christianity, is regarded as bigoted and narrow-minded, outside the scope of logic and reason. Christian truth claims are viewed as merely private values, but the “promise” of scientific progress and “hope” through human reason-with little room for ethical reflection-are believed to be neutral sources of information, and therefore, the source of truth for everyone. This way of thinking is dominant in the area of women’s issues and is wielding great influence on the lives of women inside and outside of the church.

When biblical and theological reflection on women’s issues is tolerated, it is usually through a theology of liberation known as feminist theology. This theology seeks primarily to free women from the oppression of what they describe as patriarchalism, referring to male headship or authority that demands unquestioned female submission. In this context, feminist theology argues that women are not really free due to an imbalance of power. This experience then becomes the interpretive grid to understand revelation, rather than revelation interpreting experience

Locating the meaning of scripture in one’s own experience is the equivalent of dethroning God, taking his seat, and wearing his crown. It is an approach that fails to recognize God’s authority over his entire creation, the exact problem Eve encountered as she replaced the revealed word of God with her own rationalizations. Our experiences can only describe how we live, they certainly do not prescribe how to live. Yet, this is not a matter of cold hard facts about the nature of God. God is the source of all that is true, he transcends all that is in the earth, yet he cares deeply about it and is closer than it may seem. Scripture reveals that our experiences do matter to God, he cares deeply about the problems we face and solutions we find.

At the core of “women’s issues” is a long list of topics that matter to women. The list includes access to abortion, conception and contraception, careers, gender equity in the workplace, end-of-life health care, domestic violence and human trafficking. All issues of great significance to the every day lives of women, yet for the most part, not a part of the evangelical discussion within the walls of the church. Of course, there is a strong Christian voice in defense of the unborn and for the moral status of the embryo-and this voice needs to continue its bold proclamation. As well, there is an appropriate voice reacting against the ideology of secular feminism, a voice that rightly shows how this worldview fails women spiritually and in all other practical ways. What has been lacking, however, is a proactive voice intentionally educating women on these and related issues, a voice that teaches women to think through complicated life issues from a Christian worldview. Organizations like the National Organization for Women, the Feminist Majority, and NARAL have been declared by the dominant culture to be the source for addressing women’s issues and equipping women to live triumphantly in this “patriarchal” society. The Christian community is quick to provide a response to these organizations and issues, but little education has been directed to the women in the pew, women of all ages, ethnicities and economic levels who have been or are potentially swayed by the seductive gospel of unfettered “women’s rights.”

It is erroneous to believe that with the assurance of salvation comes the instant ability to effectively reason through issues and achieve resolutions that are pleasing to God. The status of “born again” is not a guarantee that a young woman won’t consider an abortion, because the dominant culture may have convinced her that the embryo is not really her child or that this is not actually a spiritual issue. A financially-strapped college student may have little knowledge of what is involved in selling her eggs, as an act of good-will to an infertile couple or for research purposes. She may not understand that this egg, when fertilized, is her biological child. What she has been told by the college “women’s center” is that the egg is nothing more than tissue and a fertilized egg (an embryo) is nothing more than a “clump of cells.” To top all that off, she probably has not been fully informed about the health risks in undergoing such a procedure.

A young married couple in the congregation may struggle with infertility and is willing to pursue the use of reproductive technologies to solve their heart-wrenching crisis. After three years of treatment, they may have 2 children, but four more children are in cryopreservation at the fertility clinic because the most economical route for their family was to have many embryos fertilized at one time. Still, there are other women who are entering into the Christian community, ashamed to talk to anyone about the abusive relationship they are in, fearing judgment, blame, and ridicule.

10 Good Ways to Meet Women

These tips are designed to get you to think about the whole meeting women process in a different way than you probably do now.

I do include places to meet women but also internal things for you to work on so that you are READY to meet good women.

1: Be YOUR best
Be in the top shape you can be, dress in a stylish manner, make sure you are groomed well and take care of your smile. You can be the greatest guy in the world but your mismatched pants and socks combined with dirt under your nails will turn her off.

2: Go online young man
Dating Web sites can be great. Make sure to put up 2 photos. One will be in business clothing and the other will be casual. Get a professional to do them. Do not write a book about yourself. Just say that you are looking for a self-reliant woman to laugh with over coffee.

3: Develop your sense of humor
Women want to have FUN and LAUGH so they love a guy with a sense of humor. Think you cannot do it? Think again. You are not trying to go out on tour and hit the comedy club circuit. You just need to be able to look at the world in a more funny way than you are now. There are comedy classes, books, seminars, improvisation classes and many more ways for you to be funny.

4: Remember, dating is like sales
There is a lot of rejection in sales if you have never been in it before. You need to look at finding your dream girl as a process where you will probably hear the word no a lot before you can hear the word yes (of course, maybe you will find your dream girl out of the gate).

5: NEVER take women personally
Dovetailing on tip 4 above, you will run into a lot of women that are not right for you, do not want anything to do with you, disappear after 2 dates even though they seemed to be having a good time, and many more frustrating things. Keep good humor about this process and remember you only need ONE good woman.

6: Learn what a good woman is
You should be looking for a clinically sane woman you can talk to that is self-reliant, has a good sense of humor, is giving, has high integrity, responsible and is flexible in her approach to life.

7: Do NOT overrate her looks
She looks like she comes off the cover of a famous magazine with long, curly hair and a perfect shape. You are either afraid to approach or you are willing to put up with ANYTHING to be with her. Remember, you want a good woman so do not just give her a pass on bad behavior and do not be afraid to talk to her!

8: Self-confidence is sexy
The John Wooden coached basketball teams were great (John Wooden was probably the best college basketball coach in history). His teams were great because they were the SAME whether they were winning, losing or tied. They always had the same cool, calculated approach. You need to be the same with women. Whether you have 4 women that you are dating now or you have been rejected 30 times in a row, you still need to show the world that you are a guy that is cool. The right woman will notice this but she never will if you let the losses affect your game.

9: Never talk sex
Good women do not respond to this kind of talk when you are just meeting them. Stay away from talking about it or ANY other type of physical contact talk. Do not even tell her you want to kiss her. Why? Most every other guy talks about sex, physical contact, etc, and she is SICK OF IT!

10: Lines are OUT
She is a PERSON. Just TALK to her. Say hi and introduce yourself with a smile. If she is physically attracted to you, she will help you talk to her. If she is not, then she will not help you. The greatest line in the world cannot overcome her not liking the way you look, so stop putting a head trip on yourself with lines. Just TALK to her.